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Diary of a Mad Spectral Being

August 6:
Dear diary … If a ghost haunts an empty residence hall, is it really haunted? All the students are gone; only the guys putting in the new Wi-Fi stuff are here, but they’d don’t even sleep over. At night, I roam the bowels of the Schenley Quad alone. I float above the Towers and gaze out at the campus, thinking of decades gone by.

August 20:
Dear diary … The mortals are back. I try to welcome them, but they move right through me, as though I am invisible. I take a few of their things to let them know I’m here. I used to grab their schedules so they’d wander around aimlessly, but now they just look it up with an app. So I go for the comfort items. As soon as they get a replacement, I return it. Even after almost 100 years, it still makes me chuckle.

August 26:
Dear diary … They think they’re so smart, all those faculty and students. But how smart can they be? They need orientations and classes. When I first kicked the bucket, no one showed me how to spook the living. I didn’t have some high-tech LinkedIn Learning online haunting course—I had to figure it out on my own! Mortals these days.

September 2:
Dear diary … Apparently, it’s Labor Day, but nobody taught or went to class! They complain about walking up Cardiac Hill. Try giving people a real heart attack from fear. Try haunting 30,000 people in 123 buildings on 5 campuses with no vacation days. Now that’s labor!

September 15:
Dear diary … Time goes by so fast, yet I remain the same. It seems like just yesterday I was scaring all the workers building the Cathedral of Learning. Now they have these fancy-shmancy computer labs in the basement, if you can believe it. I still like shaking the elevators now and then; it gives them a little scare.

September 27:
Dear diary … Family weekend is here. Parents are excited to see their kids, and students are showing off college life, so I have to work extra hard to keep the scare rate high. They seem especially willing to succumb to my influence during the twilight hours. I particularly like messing with them in the David Lawrence lab, since it’s open all night. It’s amazing what I can do to a mortal still working at 3 AM! It’s been a productive month.

October 7:
Dear diary … It’s Cybersecurity Awareness Month. I try to get involved … be the Ghost in the Machine. But I’ve seen terrible, terrible things from inside their computers—things that will haunt me forever. Even with all the wards they put on their systems (still not sure what a “Duo” hex is) … it’s horrifying what an evil person can do with one password.

October 16:
Dear diary … Now they’re warning about Identity Theft. Pfft. I steal identities for real! No social security and credit card numbers for me. I actually get in there. Possess their bodies and control their minds in ways they don’t even remember. I’ve reanimated dead bodies. That’s identity theft!

October 25:
Dear diary … While the mortals fiddle around with Homecoming, the phantasms are game-planning for the biggest day of the year: Halloween! The one day when we become corporeal again—they can see us, hear us, feel us. It’s harder than it used to be … movies and TV have dulled their fear response. I’ll show them what the Walking Dead really looks like and make them want to Get Out! BOO-yah!

October 31:
Dear diary … It’s go-time! The soulless specters are all meeting up at the WPU at 11 am to turn that sucker into a Scarehouse. We’ll hang till 3, just scaring the bejeezus out of those students. They think they’re coming for a free T-shirt, a little candy, and OCC credits. Pitt IT actually thinks they’re gonna teach them about cyber-safety. Bwah hah hah! We lure them into the maze, and then … it’s terror time!

-- Unearthed by Karen Beaudway, Pitt IT Paranormal Blogger

Meet All the Phantasms:

Cybersecurity Scarehouse: Thursday, October 31, 11 am - 3 pm, WPU